Today my mother and I were spending a leisurely afternoon on my sister's back porch, her reading the New York Times and me catching up on my book.
She suddenly exclaims, "Paris Hilton was arrested on drug charges!"
I roll my eyes. Shocker, right? But my mother really isn't usually that interested in celebrity gossip so I was kind of surprised that she was bothering to tell me at all.
Me: "What happened this time?"
My Mother: "Apparently she was pulled over by the police, and when she got out of the car a bag of cocaine fell out of her purse."
My Mother: "I just can't believe that. How ridiculous..."
Me: Nods, thinking to myself, *Yes, Paris Hilton and her shenanigans ARE ridiculous.*
My Mother: "I mean, who has stuff just falling out of their purse? I've never had stuff fall out of my purse. That is just silly."
Me: "Yeah, me neither."
My Mother: "And why was the bag of cocaine on top anyway? I would bury it way down near the bottom."
Me: "...me too?"
My Mother: "Actually, I wouldn't even keep it in my purse at all. I would hide it in the side paneling of my car."
And that is why my mother will never be busted for drugs.
Those of you who know my mother in person will appreciate this post a lot better...