Why My Mother Will Never Be Arrested for Drug Possession

Today my mother and I were spending a leisurely afternoon on my sister's back porch, her reading the New York Times and me catching up on my book.

She suddenly exclaims, "Paris Hilton was arrested on drug charges!"

I roll my eyes. Shocker, right? But my mother really isn't usually that interested in celebrity gossip so I was kind of surprised that she was bothering to tell me at all.

Me: "What happened this time?"

My Mother: "Apparently she was pulled over by the police, and when she got out of the car a bag of cocaine fell out of her purse."

Me: "Seriously?"

My Mother: "I just can't believe that. How ridiculous..."

Me: Nods, thinking to myself, *Yes, Paris Hilton and her shenanigans ARE ridiculous.*

My Mother: "I mean, who has stuff just falling out of their purse? I've never had stuff fall out of my purse. That is just silly."

Me: "Yeah, me neither."

My Mother: "And why was the bag of cocaine on top anyway? I would bury it way down near the bottom."

Me: "...me too?"

My Mother: "Actually, I wouldn't even keep it in my purse at all. I would hide it in the side paneling of my car."

Me: "......"

And that is why my mother will never be busted for drugs.

Those of you who know my mother in person will appreciate this post a lot better...